


Evermore

by hopelesslywanderlust



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Conflicted Ben, F/M, Force Bond, Hurt/Comfort, I don't know if this is how the Force works, Jedi Training, Original Character Death(s), Young Ben Solo, the Force is weird myguy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-03-06 17:04:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13415703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopelesslywanderlust/pseuds/hopelesslywanderlust
Summary: Who could ever love a monster?The Force works in mysterious ways.Rey gets new insight into the type of person Ben was before he became the infamous Kylo Ren. But does she like what she sees?





	1. The Initial Question

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all!
> 
> I was not going to post this because personally I really do not enjoy reading about other people's original characters. I am extremely proud of this work and I wanted some honest feedback on it. Also, keeping it to myself felt like a disservice to the writing Gods. So, here we are!
> 
> It is complete, and there are actually a couple bonus chapters that did not make the cut, including an alternative ending, that I may be willing to post should I receive positive feedback. 
> 
> That said, feel free to rip my ego to shreds in the comments! Any feedback is good feedback as I love hearing from you all! 
> 
> I'll likely be posting a chapter a day until they're all out there, or at least that is the plan right now. 
> 
> So read, comment, kudos, but most importantly, ENJOY! Xx

In the weeks following Crait, Rey and Ben seemed to be connected by the force more than ever. It was as though the Force were making some last ditch effort to restore their torn relationship. Most meetings at first were met with Rey screaming obscenities at him, as they had gone initially during the early days of the Force Bond on Ach-to. She enjoyed watching his facade of steely regal indifference crack with each word. What she had to say stung him to the core, and she was proud of that.

 

Eventually however, the rage and bitterness she felt towards him began to dissipate. After all, she did not hate Ben Solo. When she no longer had it in her to spout venom at him every time he appeared in her mind's eye, she became intrigued. Rey just wanted to know why. She was still searching for answers. The creation of Kylo Ren was still a mystery to her. He and Luke had both been wrong, but surely that was just the final straw. She understood what it felt like to be abandoned by her parents, but certainly Ben knew that his parents loved him, he had not been truly abandoned. Nor would he ever be, even in death his parents would be with him, for better or worse. At least they hadn’t sold him for drinking money. What other tragedy had Ben endured? If Luke had pushed him over the edge that night, and Han and Leia had started it all, what had happened between the two events to awaken the darkness so strongly within him? 

 

Would she ever get the answers she desired?

 

—

 

Once all the hatred between the Rey and Ben had been put at bay, at least for the time being, they actually found they quite enjoyed each other’s company. Sometimes they found themselves talking long into the night. Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order, or Ben as Rey liked to call him, had become something of a friend to the Jedi girl.

 

Long solo missions Rey had been sent on by the Resistance were not as lonely with Ben around to talk to. 

 

It was rocky, at first. They didn’t know how to talk to each other without bringing up the recent past which was a touchy subject for both of them. But once they had agreed not to speak of it, to focus on more light-hearted topics, they got on surprisingly well. Ben even helped her with her training a bit, giving her subtle tips on her form and such as he had received far more training than she ever would.

 

After a few months of constant contact, the two were closer than ever, although neither would relent on their positions established in Snoke’s Throne room, and they knew when not to push the boundaries. 

 

Rey hated to admit it, but she was even beginning to develop feelings for Ben.

 

One night Rey lay on her stomach on a makeshift cot in a shoddy tent on some humid, jungle planet that was surely uninhabited by any intelligent life speaking freely to Ben, who appeared to her sitting straight backed on a tall chair she could not see, occasionally sipping a nameless amber liquid. During a lull in their conversation, Rey asked a rather peculiar question, but one she had been curious about for a while, and even more peculiar was Ben’s honest reply. 

 

“Ben… of course you don’t have to answer this, but I’m just wondering, have you ever been in love before?” She asked as she stretch her arms out before her. She wasn’t sure if it was out of line, but she was sure this was the kind of question you asked your friends, and Ben was a friend now, albeit an unlikely one. She couldn’t fathom who could love the monster, she knew even his mother had found it difficult during her final days. More than that, she did not know that he was capable of love. It seemed as though he had shut that part of himself off long ago. 

 

When he didn’t answer immediately Rey looked up at him. He was staring into his glass of amber liquid, a sad, solemn expression gracing his handsome, stark features. When he met her eyes, she could see the pain within his own seemingly colorless orbs, she could feel the pain he felt through their bond. 

 

Suddenly, she regretted asking, but before she could say anything else he began, “I was in love once,” he admitted with painful resolve, “but that was a long time ago, during my former life.”

 

Rey wanted to know more, but she dare not ask. She was not sure if prodding would set him off as it was obviously just another sore subject. But perhaps he felt her inquisitiveness through the force, because he continued, “it was during my time at Skywalker’s academy…”

 

Abruptly Rey’s vision began to blur and Ben slipped from before her, she sat bolt upright, trying to hold onto their connection, worrying it would break as he was opening up to her. She stood and called out to him, but she was strangely shoved back down to the ground as everything went black, landing on something ice cold and wet. Her vision returned slowly, and she was struck with the strange realization that she was not in her tent. She had been transported somewhere where it was snowing. Frigid air rushed around her, and she would’ve been happy to be drenched in sweat on her uncomfortable cot again.

 

Rey was pulled from her confusion by the nearby sound of laughter. Who would be out in this weather, and more than that, who would be  _ enjoying _ it? She followed the sound, taking her lightsaber from her belt, and was surprised when came across a group of young teens sat around a fire. As she got closer, she recognized one of the teens. It was like seeing a ghost, but the dark eyes and untamed midnight black hair were unmistakable features. Somehow, she was looking at a young Ben Solo. A different Ben Solo than she had ever seen, laughing, speaking freely, and perhaps most importantly, huddled close to a beautiful girl who seemed to be the life of the party. For a moment, Rey felt of pang of self-consciousness, but she quickly forgot about it, refocused trying to find her place in this place.

 

“Ben!” She called out to him, but not one of the teens so much as flinched. Coming closer she tried again, but still nothing. It wasn’t until she stood directly in their little circle that she was positive they could not see her.  _ She _ was the ghost here. Since she couldn’t participate in this story, and she didn’t know how to escape it, she decided to simply observe. If she had learned anything about the force, it was that the force worked in mysterious ways.

 

Just then, her vision distorted again and she was transported to another scene. She watched closely as it unfolded.


	2. Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again!
> 
> Here is chapter two, I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Thanks for reading! Xx

Ben had only just managed to compose himself after an emotional goodbye with his mother via holo as the gangway of the Falcon fell open. He was greeted by his uncle, the legendary Luke Skywalker, among a field of rolling green grass, and just in the distance was an impressive looking building, what Ben could presume was the Jedi Temple. They exchanged pleasantries as the ship roared to life behind them. They waved a quick goodbye to Ben’s father and his wookie co-pilot before they sped off into the sky, to planets and systems beyond. 

 

Ben felt the same anxiety now that he had felt when Leia had first breached the subject with him so many months ago. She wanted him to learn the ways of the Force. She had said it would be good for him, and that Luke was really looking forward to teaching his nephew all that he knew. Ben was less than thrilled to hear this. He suspected she really just wanted him off-planet as she was not very fond of his friends, or his choice of “fun”. So what if he liked to go to nightclubs and attend parties with the children of other well-to-do New Republic officials. Maybe he wasn’t saving the Galaxy, as she had done when she had in her teens. Leia could be a little too much of an idealist prude sometimes. And like any teen, he did not want to leave behind his friends and his life to go learn about this weird thing inside him. The Jedi were dead, the religion was dead, why did he need to learn about it? Han ,of course, was Han about it. He was on Ben’s side. He did not see anything wrong with how Ben chose to spend his days, although it would be wrong to say he was not a little disappointed that Ben did not share his passion for flying. It would also be wrong to say that he wasn’t a little proud of Ben for his passion for drinking and partying. His father had never believed in the hokey Jedi religion, and he did not see any point in forcing Ben to go off on his own to learn about it. Although, Leia won that argument, as it seemed she always did. 

 

So, here he was. 

 

Ben followed his uncle to the steps of the Temple, catching up with each other as they went. Luke took the time to show him all around the compound, ending with his quarters, a shabby looking little hut, the furthest from the temple. It definitely was not the luxurious apartment he had inhabited along with his mother, and occasionally Han, back on Hosnian Prime. In fact, it wasn’t even as luxurious as his shabby childhood home on Chandrila. But if it meant he could have a minute alone to collect himself, away from his strange uncle and the prying eyes of the other Jedi students, at least for the time being. It was obvious his reputation - or rather his parent’s reputation - preceded him here, and he wasn’t sure whether or not that would work to his advantage. 

 

He took his good-natured time unpacking the few belongings he had been permitted to bring with him. He turned his nose up whilst putting his “suitable” clothes away. After changing out of the clothes he had worn on the trip here, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and thought begrudgingly, “if only my friends could see me know.”

 

He did not leave his small corner of the world again until the third sun was setting on the horizon, casting an orange glow across the school ground. He followed a strange  _ whirring _ sound until he came upon a real lightsaber duel, something he had only read about in history books until now. Ben stopped to watch the two from a distance, internally wondering if this is all that went on at this  _ school _ , suddenly very aware of the weight of his hand-me-down saber strapped to his belt. He became mesmerized by one of the fighters in particular, it seemed that this person was always on the offensive, their hits flawless, their feet always landing in just the right spots. A dark hood obscured their face, but he was sure this was a man he did not want to mess with. Finally, the hooded figure pinned the poor raven haired boy he was fighting to the ground with a leg sweep, green laser-blade pointed directly at his chest, the weapon’s electric crackling audible even from this distance. Extinguishing the blade, he stepped back from the boy, an odd melodic laugh escaping his lips before extending a hand to help the boy to his feet as he extinguished his own weapon.

 

“You really ought to focus more on your footwork if you want to win a fight, Axel,” Ben could hear the hooded figure suggest in a kind-hearted tone. 

 

Much to his surprise, the figure threw their hood back to reveal not a man, but a young woman, her curly messed red hair standing out against the rising moonlight. As the two began in his direction, Ben quickly hurried on his way, hoping to avoid notice. 

 

Ben entered the school’s mess hall, and a hush fell over the rest of the students upon his arrival, a few stood from their seat to get a look at Ben Solo. He quickly obtained his food and sat furthest from everyone else, at a table on his own. Slowly, the voices picked up again, and he could hear his name, along with his mother’s and father’s, being brought up in more than one conversation around the room. He noticed the raven haired boy from the fight earlier talking animatedly with a few other boys making sword swinging gestures with his hands.

 

As Ben focused in on eating and escaping to his hut as soon as possible, he was startled by sudden yells and shouts that erupted from throughout the room. Looking up to find the source of the rackett, Ben was surprised to see the girl from earlier, surrounded by a group of young children. They appeared to be her adoring fans, like she was some kind of celebrity just trying to enjoy a night-out back on Hossain Prime. She quickly shooed them off, saying hello to a group of boys about Ben’s age, then obtaining her food. She stopped at a few other full tables to speak to other students before heading directly in Ben’s direction. He inwardly groaned. Here we go. He thought about getting up to leave, but there wasn’t enough time, and he didn’t want to come off as rude. Admittedly, he was also a little bit intrigued by this young woman. She was obviously a skilled fighter, and popular among her fellow students. 

 

The girl sat without asking permission, although it was pretty obvious Ben was dining alone. She didn’t say anything as she uncerimoniously began eating. Ben eyed her cautiously across the table. Her skin was tanned, she appeared to be extremely petite, but it was hard to tell beneath the cloak draped around her. Her features were soft, which contrasted with her wild red hair. Tiny freckles ran across her nose and cheeks. Her eyes were as green as her saber. She was actually rather attractive, even by Ben’s standards, which were rather high for a boy of 15. Although, he could have almost any girl he wanted on Hosnian Prime with his family prestige, and not to mention his boyish good looks.

 

Without so much as peering up at him, and with a mouth full of food, she asked, “What’s your deal, kid?”

 

“Excuse me?” Ben asked, not exactly impolitely. He was a little taken aback that she didn’t know who he was, but also relieved. Maybe even a little disgusted by her.

 

“You know, what’s your name? Where are you from? How old are you?” She replied simply, finally looking up from her nearly clean plate, only to bring her drink glass to her lips and down the whole glass in one go.

 

A member of a passing group of very young students, the same students who had hurried to greet her earlier, no more than 7 or 8 years old stopped to ask the girl - Andromeda apparently, although he was still waiting formal introduction - to tell her all about her trip in the morning. Andromeda nodded that she would before turning her indifferent gaze back on Ben.

 

“You were off-planet?” Ben asked, carefully changing the subject from himself. The last thing he wanted to be reminded of were his parents tonight. 

 

She studied his face, before a displeased look crossed her features, but she nodded and replied, “I was visiting Hosnian Prime to speak with some senators about an upcoming diplomatic trip I’ve been assigned. Master Luke and his sister, Senator Leia Organa, feel it would be useful to have an unbiased third party on this particular trip. I told them I’d do my best, on behalf of both the New Republic and the Jedi.” She finished sweetly, eager to talk about her exciting new position.

 

Ben became even more intrigued. He had no idea the Jedi were working with the Senate. “Is that something a lot of Jedi students here do?”

 

She smiled fondly, her teeth were a bit crooked, but her smile was not bad to look at. “No,” she laughed a little,”just me at the moment. Master Luke seems to think he has taught me everything he can. He also foolishly believes I would make a great Jedi Master, but the kids drive me crazy, until they’re about your age, then they drive me crazy with an entirely different motive,” she rolled her eyes playfully before continuing, “as a Jedi, I want to be of use to the whole Galaxy, every place and person the force flows through. Luke seems to believe that the Jedi worked alongside the Senate during the days of the Old Republic offering advice and whatnot, so we are giving that a whirl.” As she finished, a boy called her name from the doorway and she held up a hand to say she’d be right there. Gathering her things and getting up she said, “Great job deflecting my question, kid, but I’ll figure it out eventually. I’m Andromeda Celestine.” And with that, she left. 

 

Ben lay awake that night thinking of his odd encounter with this outlandish Jedi girl. He was very interested to know more about her. He also wondered why Leia had never brought her up, but even if she had he wondered if he would have listened. 

 

His former life on Hosnian Prime momentarily forgotten, and his worries about starting fresh subdued, Ben fell asleep staring out the window at the constellations, mapping her freckles in his mind.


	3. Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3!
> 
> Enjoy Xx

Rey’s vision was once again blurred as she was transported to another time and place via the force. She found herself yet again looking at a young Ben Solo, this time conversing with a group of other boys as they walked down the stone steps of training temple. He looked so carefree and unlike himself as she knew him. Although somewhere deep inside she could feel the heartache he must be feeling as they relived these flashbacks together through their bond. 

 

\-- 

 

Ben walked alongside six or so of his new friends, they were all talking animatedly about something funny that had happened earlier in the day. Ben momentarily paused as he heard the unmistakable sound of a lightfighter landing in the distance. He was sure it was a lightfighter, likely one employed by the New Republic Starfleet from the sounds of the engine’s perfectly tuned hum. You simply did not grow up as Han Solo’s son without learning how to differentiate between ships. He had practically spent all of his early childhood on a ship jumping from system to system

 

He turned his head in the direction the sound came from and saw Andromeda, the girl who was still such an anomaly to him, hopping from the rear cockpit as a young starfleet pilot helped her down to the ground. He watched as the two stood talking for a moment, before they leaned in to share a quick chaste kiss. Ben felt a pang of jealousy as Andromeda leaned in to whisper something in the pilot’s ear that made them both laugh.

 

That was odd, why should he be jealous? He hadn’t spoken to the girl since their initial conversation, and that had been months ago now. But still, the jealousy was there.

 

Later that same evening, Ben sat meditating on a secluded spot along the treeline of the forest. Meditation was something he actually found that he thoroughly enjoyed. It allowed him to quiet the voices in his head for the time being, to feel the Force flow through him, to be transported somewhere else even just for an instant.

 

After a few moments, he felt a presence approaching him, yet he tried to remain concentrated in hopes whoever it was would go away. As they got closer, Ben felt an overpowering sensation of light, something he had not felt even in the presence of his uncle. It was comforting in a way. Ben often struggled to completely block out the darkness, but in that moment he was certain of its absence. There was no room for it here, not with the light blocking all things out and blinding his senses. Even the early evening air did not feel so cold now. 

 

Only when the footfalls stopped before him did his concentration break. He opened one eye, ready to curse whoever it was that had interrupted him. 

 

“This is my favorite spot to meditate too,” said the intruder, sitting in cross-legged on the ground beside him. The person threw back their hood to reveal none other than Andromeda Celestine, looking more tanned and yet more disheveled than ever. “You never formally introduce yourself. Ben, isn’t it?” She asked holding out a hand.

 

He looked into her eyes, his thick brows knitted together in both confusion and anger. 

 

The girl retracted her hand, unphased. “Don’t worry. I didn’t use any mind-tricks on you, although I’m sure that would have been entertaining. People talk, you know. And, I’ve been in close contact with your mother. In fact, I just had lunch with her this afternoon,” Andromeda said easily when he didn’t answer, assuming a position that suggested she was going to meditate.

 

“My mother?”

 

“Yes, Senator Organa? Keep up, kid,” she shrugged. 

 

“Right,” he replied, in a tone laced full of sarcasm. 

“She asked about you. I said that I didn’t know any Ben Solos, but I told her there was this new kid, but he was rather reclusive and nothing like the boy she described, other than his dark features,” The red-head ventured on, “Then when I returned I asked Master Luke, and he confirmed that Ben Solo is in fact you. I told you I’d figure it out eventually,” she laughed, playfully winking at him.

 

Internally he wondered exactly what his mother had said about him, how she described her disappointment of a son openly to strangers.

 

“Anyway, “she continued,”I apologize for interrupting you. You really looked like you were about to hurt yourself from concentrating so hard. Meditating should come naturally, Ben, you can’t force it” She offered, though not unkindly. “Just, try it again. Pretend I’m not here.”

 

He did not want to come off as rude, although this girl was beginning to get on his last nerve. Still, he found her interesting. So, he obliged, humoring her more than anything. He closed his eyes.

 

“Good. Now breathe in,” she gently instructed, “and deep breathe out.” He could hear her getting to her feet. 

 

Ben jumped when he felt her hands on his shoulders, straightening his back.

 

“Just relax. Breathes, in and out. Reach out with your mind.” Her voice was soft and encouraging. 

 

Although, he found it very hard to concentrate with her hands still resting on his shoulders. Being this close in proximity with an attractive girl was not conducive to good meditation. It was very difficult to pretend she wasn’t there.

 

Her voiced faded out as Ben’s focus turned back to the Force. There was once again an overwhelming sense of light, which he could then connect to the girl standing behind him. In his mind’s eye, he could see nothing but her sun-kissed skin, her freckles that resembled burning constellations in the midnight sky, her hair the burnt orange color of a autumn sunset. Quickly however his mind was overcome with images he did not wish to see. First, the bright orange jumpsuit of the Starfleet pilot from earlier that night. Then, the temple burning, the dead bodies of his fellow students littering the ground around it. A red lightsaber with a crossguard crackling in the grasp of a black gloved hand as snow falls silently around it. Black leather boots on pristine shiny black floors.

 

Ben was pulled from his thoughts by a loud  _ crack _ , closely followed by a stinging pain on the right side of his face. He opened his eyes to find Andromeda’s bright green ones staring at him, her face contorted in concern as she crouched before him, one hand still resting on his cheek while the other tightly grasped his wrist, anchoring him to the here-and-now.

 

“I’ve never seen someone give themselves over so easily to the dark side before,” she said quietly. Her voice however was not filled with disgust, as he had expected it to be, rather she sounded interested, like she wanted to know more.

 

Ben stood quickly. Fear gripped him as he tried to grasp what he had just experienced. As the images now instilled in his mind combined with her words, he tried desperately to understand.

 

“ _ The dark side?” _ Ben asked meekly. Should this be something he was ashamed of? If so, why did Andromeda look so amazed and intrigued?

 

“The side of the Force Jedi try to avoid. It’s okay, I’m sure Luke will know how to sort that out. It’s just incredible that that’s where your mind instantly went…” She trailed off and looked to the horizon at the setting sun.

 

Standing she offered Ben a hand up, “I think that's enough meditation for today.”

 

He was still confused, and a little scared if he were being honest, but he accepted her hand. Standing side-by-side Ben was about a head taller than the girl.

 

The two walked silently together back to the temple. Andromeda paused on the first step as they were about to depart and looked back at Ben, still standing a bit shorter than him.

 

“Do you have a sparring partner?” She asked, before shaking her head and laughing at the ground. She looked back up at him as she pushed a long, tangled looking lock of hair from her face, answering her own question, “Of course you do. But, if you’d like I could show you some things.” 

 

Ben simply nodded in reply. Andromeda hurried up a few more steps, calling a “Goodnight, kid!” over her shoulder as she went. 

 

Ben walked back to his hut with a warm, secret smile plastered on his face that night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for Reading!
> 
> Please feel free to leave me comments with your thoughts, admiration, or criticism! I would love to hear from you! 
> 
> Best, Xx


	4. Nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again!
> 
> I have a very busy day tomorrow, so I hope you don't mind that I'm posting another chapter today!
> 
> Enjoy Xx

Andromeda fell to the ground, making an  _ oomph  _ sound as her back hit the stone ground hard. She then failed to regain her footing as a blue lightsaber was deftly aimed at her throat, ready to strike with any sudden movement. She had been defeated.

 

Her opponent looked down at her with a playful smirk as she lay heavily panting at his feet, but that wasn’t her concern. For an instant, his eyes flashed with something dark, powerful, and unrecognizable, though just as quickly as it had come it was gone and he was extentinguishing his blade then offering her a sweaty hand up. She graciously accepted, extinguishing her own saber as she got to her feet.

 

“I remember a time when you couldn’t get a single hit in against me,  _ Benny _ ,” Andromeda spat sourly, examining a small cut on her exposed upper arm.

 

A loud laugh escaped his lips. “Oh, Andie, don’t be like that. I learned from the best,” Ben replied, lifting her chin with his index finger so that she was looking up at him.

 

“I’ll be sure to tell Luke that,” she huffed turning her head away and crossing her arms across her chest.

 

He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

 

As she turned and started off in the opposite direction, Ben grabbed her around the waist, wrapping two arms firmly around her middle so the petite girl could not escape his grasp. He then bent to growl in her ear, “You know that’s  _ not _ what I  _ meant _ .” It sent shivers down her spine, the hairs on the back of her neck standing up in response.

 

Before she could come up with a witty, mock-hurt reply she felt Ben stiffen against her as they heard someone approaching. His arms dropped from around her and they took a few steps apart. This was still fairly new to them both, and they were not ready for anyone else to know their secret.

 

Over the past four years, the two had become very close. Andromeda had been something of a mentor to young Ben, although his abilities within the Force far surpassed her own. During that time the two had begun to develop feelings for each other. At first, Andromeda had been apprehensive because of their two year difference in age, and the fact that she didn’t want to lose his friendship should things not work out between them. She also did not want to lose the trust of Luke, it was his nephew after all.

 

Ben was also a bit apprehensive. What would a girl like Andie see in him? She had been all over the galaxy on diplomatic missions for the Senate. She had likely been with men from all over the galaxy as well, including that Starfleet pilot who used to break protocol to bring her back to the temple after she had visited Hosnian Prime. The same handsome, dark haired pilot who had forced Ben to feel that initial pang of jealousy over the girl before he had even known her, and who had also broken her heart not long ago. How could Ben, some punk kid, compare to that? Sure, he had familial prestige, but the Rebellion’s efforts were quickly being forgotten throughout the systems. Besides, she didn’t care about that. She liked Luke and Leia because they were good people and good leaders, not because they had aided in winning a war decades ago. Although, sometimes Ben wondered if her admiration for Leia, Luke, the Jedi, and the New Republic Senate was a product of her childhood spent on a poor mining planet that had been decimated by the Empire. She may not have grown up during that time, but she surely showed the spark of someone who would have stood up to fight against that type of large-scale oppression. She was a Rebel through-and-through. Andie was strong. She was brave, and compassionate. And when she was around, Ben found it difficult not to become swept up in her orbit. She was the sun, and he was just some temporarily passing planet.

 

In the end, they had decided that their feelings were enough to overcome their doubts. It had taken them almost a year to come to that decision.

 

Now Andromeda was off-planet more than she was on, and when she was around she kept herself busy. The result was Ben spending a great deal of his time pining after her. Even short sparring sessions, such as the one Ben had just defeated the red-head at were few and far between. “Short” because he had become stronger in the Force than Andromeda could have ever dream to be - not that she would ever admit to it.

 

Andromeda threw on her cloak and hood before collecting her belongings. The intruders of their private moment passed without paying them any attention whatsoever. It was a girl, Estelle, Ben’s age, whom Andie particularly disliked on account of her arrogance, and a boy, Zane. Rumor had it they were something of an item themselves. Jealousy once again gripped Ben as he watched the two carelessly talking and embracing. He wanted so badly for that to be him and Andie. He knew Andie was trying to protect him, her worst nightmare was for him to be linked with her should anything go south during one of her top-secret Senate engagements. Though the galaxy had been in a state of relative peace since the fall of the Empire, certain members of the Senate, namely his mother and other veterans of the war, tried to retain constant vigilance should any organized power arise against them. He was sure Andromeda’s paranoia was a product of her close contact with such Senators. 

  
  


Watching him closely Andromeda could sense the jealousy raging within him. It was moments like these that scared her more than anything, moments when Ben so easily succumbed to the darkness within.

 

Making certain no one was around to see them, the girl stepped towards him taking him by the hand, “Ben?” She questioned gently whilst intertwining their fingers. His gaze snapped in her direction, as though he had only just realized her presence. 

 

Andromeda smiled, though it was somewhat forced as she watched the same unrecognizable darkness swimming in his dark orbs as earlier during their fight. Tugging at his arm, she said, “c’mon.” She gestured over her shoulder with her head in the direction of her hut, “Walk me back,  _ Benny.” _

 

He rolled his eyes at her, the darkness now faded into cloudy nothingness.

 

“ _ Don’t  _ call me that.” He snapped, some serious piercing the otherwise light tone with which he spoke.

 

“ _ Make me _ ,” Came her simple yet stern reply as she started leading him off in the direction of home.

 

Ben became surprised when she didn’t stop leading him even after they’d passed his own home. Usually she’d drop him off then go do whatever it was she did with his uncle in accordance with the Senate, top-secret stuff of course. Tonight however, was different.

 

As she looked back at him as they stopped before a door, he took note of a mischievous glint in her emerald green eyes. It was a look she’d never given him before, filled with want and longing. She never released her grip on his hand, simply pulling him in closer as a group of boys passed whilst she unlocked the door.

 

She lead him inside. She let go of his hand to take off her cloak and hang her bag on the back of a wooden chair. As she did so Ben took a look around. The space was small and she had very few personal belongings. He noticed a holopad, the same as the ones Leia had lying around all areas of their apartment on Hosnian Prime. As his eyes glossed over the writing on it he recognized his mother’s handwriting. Andromeda quickly put herself between him and the table containing the pad, reaching behind herself to flick off the screen. She very obviously did not want him to see the correspondence, but in that moment he didn’t care. 

 

The light coming through a high window was hitting her face just right, making the dark specs that dotted her cheeks stand out among her tanned skin. Her eyes seemed to glow as she peered up at him over her thick lashes, perhaps fueled by the same kyber crystal as her lightsaber.

 

Andie stood on her tip-toes to lace her arms delicately around his neck. She licked her lips, daring him to kiss her.

 

Ben leaned in. Her lips were smooth against his own. As the kiss deepened, he picked her up. Her legs instinctively wrapped around his waist, his hands holding tightly on her upper thighs. Turning and taking a few short strides to cross the room, Ben bent to place her gently on her tiny bed as she kissed and bit his neck, leaving her mark on his skin. Her hands moved with the same tenacity she had used in their earlier duel as she tore at his clothing, the culmination of which involved her unceremoniously tossing his lightsaber across the room.

 

—

 

Rey was pulled once again from the vision playing out before her. Pure, green jealousy flowed through her, and this time it was all her own, not some force projection of what Ben had felt years ago. At that she also felt a pang of guilt. She did not know what had happened between the two, the thing that had caused Ben such heartache, the thing that was torn them apart, why should she be jealous of their time together? Their feelings seemed pure. Ben’s happiness was evident when he was with the red-headed Jedi. Wasn’t that what Rey wanted for him? To put an end to his silent torment? For him to be happy once more? In her mind, she chastised herself for any ill-feelings she had felt towards the happy couple. Although she could not help but admit to herself that she wished someday Ben would look at her in the same way he had looked at Andromeda, laying next to her that night in her small quarters, drenched in the pale moonlight that spilled through an overhead window. He looked at her with love and admiration, even as she slept, her head on his bare chest; not with the spite or contempt Rey had grown accustomed to when they found themselves in such close proximity.

 

As Rey’s vision cleared, she looked upon a scene that seemed much more familiar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I would love to hear from you! Please leave some comments with your thoughts! 
> 
> Best Xx


	5. Twenty-Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so late, I got caught up watching a film after my sculpture class. 2 more to go!

Andromeda was with Ben when the news broke. He lay on her tiny bed made for one - looking quite comical due to his height- peacefully sleeping after an exhaustingly rough sleepless night.

 

The girl had just returned from a three week stint off-planet. The Senate was falling to pieces, trying to consolidate power by electing a single “First Senator”. After an attack on the Senate committed by an extremist fringe group, she had been stranded on Hosnian Prime. 

 

Removing herself from her bed with care not to disturb him, Andromeda stealthily crossed the room to her holopad. She hoped to reply to any correspondence that had come through in the night and catch up on the latest Senate turmoil before Ben woke. After all, they were just getting reacquainted after being apart for so long, she had no idea what the morning had in store for her.

 

As soon as she opened the holopad she was bombarded with an endless supply of correspondence and news headlines. After her eyes adjusted to the constant scroll going at light speed across the screen, her eyes widened in horror as she read in clear, bold print: 

**Famed War Heroes Heirs to Empire**

Another headline scrolling passed: 

**Leia Organa; Vader’s Secret Daughter**

Her eyes couldn’t even comprehend what she was reading:

**Luke Skywalker; Sith Lord Or Jedi Legend?**

 

“What’s wrong?” A sleep-laced husky voice asked from across the room, full of concern.

 

Andromeda jumped to her feet at the sound, almost dropping the holopad in the process. She quickly clicked the screen off and hurriedly pushed it screen-down onto the table. “Nothing,” she lied in a high-pitched tone, internally cursing her voice for betraying her.

 

Ben eyed her suspiciously, “You look like you’ve seen a Force ghost,” he rasped out.

 

“It’s nothing! It’s fine!” Andromeda yelped, “No Force ghosts here!” A nervous laugh escaped her lips. She crossed the room to sit on the edge of the bed, her leg bouncing rapidly. Ben stuck a hand out and placed it on her knee to quiet the bouncing, still eyeing her skeptically, reading her face for signs of weakness.

  
  


“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked, thick brows knitted together as he tried desperately to read her.

 

It almost broke her heart to lie to him when he was so obviously concerned for her, but she was protecting him from this information for his own sake. Andromeda was sure he could take anything he wanted from her mind if he picked her brain using the Force, but she had trust he would not take advantage of her in that way. He knew she possessed a lot of delicate information she could get in monumental amounts of trouble for sharing.

 

She took his hand from her knee and brought it to her lips with a shaky hand. “I promise,” she softly kissed his somewhat scarred knuckles, “ _ I’m _ fine.”

 

Andromeda tried to keep him as long as she could, or at least until his mother, or father, or, uncle, or  _ anyone _ contacted him to explain. At 24, he was a big boy, but she forsaw the disaster brewing when he found out the truth about his heritage. Ben’s temper ran hot and long. The mean-streak, the darkness that scared her so much, she did not want to see it unleashed today, but this kind of news was enough to send anyone over the edge. It could be a breaking point. It was times like these Andromeda was almost thankful for being orphaned.

 

One bright spot was that the weather had decided to cooperate. Rain beat down fiercely on the roof of her small abode as wind howled mercilessly just beyond the door. It was the kind of weather that was conducive to only one thing; an intimate morning romp followed by snuggling under a heap of blankets.

 

Andie sat up on her elbow to properly get a look at Ben. She smiled, brushing a stray strand of wavy black hair from his face. 

 

“What?” He asked with a chuckle, looking at her from the corner of his eye, suddenly a bit self-conscious. 

 

“It’s nothing…” she trailed off.

 

He snorted, unconvinced, “you’re acting more unusual than normal this morning.”

 

“It’s just that -“ she leaned in close to his face, their lips almost touching, “I love you.” Andie then planted a soft, sweet kiss on his swollen, cherry red lips.

 

It was the first time either one of them had said those words aloud during all their time together, though it didn’t come as a shock to Ben. Five years may seem like a long time into a relationship to only just be verbalizing your love, but sometimes there was no need for words. Words were unnecessary when the feeling was so strong. They had said “I Love You” in different, less obvious ways. Their love was defined by witty remarks, by long-winded goodbyes, by shared secret glances. It was obvious in the way Ben sometimes playfully teased Andie about her outlandish bad habits. It was the way they spat venom at each other during a sparring match that ended with them panting, foreheads pressed together, or rolling around on the floor laughing. It was Ben, venting his issues with his parents to her late at night, wondering out loud how he’d become such a disappointment. It was her gently reminding him that he might be a disappointment, but  _ not to her. _

 

Love was more than a word shared between two people who were committed to one another.

 

She pulled away slowly, worriedly studying his features as he had done to her earlier that morning. She silently wished she were strong enough in the Force to see into his mind. Mind tricks were never her strong suit.

 

“I know,” came his simple, confident reply, a smile playing on his lips.

 

Her face lit up at that, she leaned in for another kiss before falling at his side, content to stay there all day, or for the rest of her life.

  
  


Sadly, there came a time when they were forced to rejoin the real world. The wind and rain whipping violently around them, sending a chill down Andromeda’s spine, even as Ben pulled her in closer to his side. 

  
  


Usually during a storm like this, Andromeda would have been content to eat whatever she had lying around her room. Disappointingly however, she had no food due to her prolonged absence. So, they braved the wet, cold outdoors in search of much-needed nourishment - especially after the night and morning they had had. 

 

The foreboding feeling returned as they entered the mess hall. Pulling back their hoods at the entrance, they were met with half a dozen eyes on them as every student fell deadly silent, eyes wide in horror. Ben sent a confused look in her direction, and Andie wished she could turn and leave the same way she had come. Instead, she took Ben’s hand firmly in her own before sending a meek, reassuring smile up at him. 

 

The eerie silence however continued for some time. The two sad on the floor next to a large burning fireplace; Ben stuffing his face ravenously and Andromeda too full of worry to even think about eating. She couldn’t make eye-contact, even as Ben studied her face looking for answers, his eyes clouded over with concern. He just wanted to understand.

  
  


Just then a group of boys, who were Ben’s age and whom he disliked full-heartedly -the feeling was mutual-  entered the hall. The water dripping off them like blood from a wound, the sound echoing in Andromeda’s head. Upon spotting Ben, they strode confidently in his direction. 

 

“How does it feel, Solo?” The ring leader called out to him.

 

Poor Ben looked more confused than ever, “How does what feel?”

 

“How does it feel to be living a lie? To be the heir to the Empire?” The boy spat.

 

Ben shook his head and looked at Andie for some sort of answer. Panic radiated off her like a cornered animal. It couldn’t be avoided. The truth had to come out, with no further explanation.

 

“Give it up, Solo. We all know your mother and uncle are Darth Vader’s children. It’s all over the news, everywhere across the galaxy. Shows over,” he sneered at Ben.

 

Ben looked at Andie, his eyes pleading with her to say it’s untrue. She simply nodded in silent confirmation as tears rolled down her cheeks.

 

Red, hot anger contorted his handsome features as he got to his feet, Andromeda choked out, “I’m sorry, Ben!” 

 

It was as though he hadn’t even heard her as he pushed his way through the group of boys making his way out of the mess hall.

 

The girl jumped to her feet to chase after him, “Ben, wait!” She yelled, running after him into the unforgiving rain.

 

She finally caught him at the door of Skywalker’s cabin. Ben didn’t hesitate to blast the door down via the Force. She hesitated to follow him inside, the hair on the back of her neck standing on end as her every instinct told her to run. She stood shaking in the rain, whether from fear or cold she could not be sure. This was not the Ben she knew. This was someone else entirely.

 

“You  _ knew _ and you  _ never _ told  _ me?!”  _ She heard him shout upon entering.

 

Against the screaming inside her, Andromeda followed Ben through the broken doorway. She watched, tears mingling with the rain drenching her face, as the boy she loved screamed at his uncle ominously looming over him like some type of hulking monster. Her master remained unflinching before him, his face indifferent to the rage before him. Ben finally ran out of questions and obscenities to throw at the man, now he stood seething with pure rage, his breathing heavy and erratic. 

 

When Luke didn’t give him any of the answers he was seeking, Ben made a grab for his saber at his waist. Andromeda threw herself forward and took hold of his blade-hand, thankful to see that he must have forgotten it that morning. “Ben! Stop! You don’t have to do this!” She pleaded with him. 

 

Before she knew what was happening she felt her feet leave the ground. She hit the stone wall of the home hard, knocking the air out of her. Her hands instinctively finding her throat as she attempted to claw off the invisible attacker. “Don’t!” Ben shouted at her, “You lied to me! You knew! That’s what this morning was all about! How could you lie to  _ me _ about that?”

 

It broke her heart to see him look at her with such contempt, his eyes swimming with betrayal. She struggled as the fingers on his outstretched hands further closed. With every countermovement her lungs burned like fire in her chest, the edges of her vision blurred. 

 

“Ben, stop this! You’re killing her!” Luke tried.

 

Her eyes tried to plead with him, and she saw the momentary realization cross his eyes. 

 

Andromeda fell to the floor in a heap, her knees hitting the stone floor hard though the pain was incomparable to the burning in lungs. On her hands and knees she gasped for precious breath. Luke crossed the room to kneel beside her, a comforting hand on her shoulder.

 

Ben strode out without so much as a backward glance at the two.

 

—

 

Rey watched as Ben trekked back towards his hut in the rain, his feet slipping in the mud. The look on his face was one she had become all too familiar with; it was a look of inner torment, he was struggling against himself. She had seen it many times before, but it looked so out of place on the young Ben Solo clear in her mind’s eye, back when he was more man than monster. He was not yet the man she knew. However, she could sense the monster inside him clawing to get out. She took pity on the people who had known him before the beast was unleashed for they could not have known what was to come. Even this sudden outburst was not enough to condemn him, not yet. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd really love to hear your thoughts about this chapter and the last one.
> 
> Please feel free to leave me a comment! I love hearing from you!


	6. Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!
> 
> I'm so sorry I haven't posted for the past few days. I've been super busy with school, and I foolishly forgot to post before going out with a friend for the night. I promise I'll get the last chapter up in a timely fashion, that said, let me know if you would be interested in reading the chapters I wrote for this story that didn't make the final cut, or the alternate ending... I'll consider posting them if I can find the time to edit them into a more final state. 
> 
> I should also mention that I have never watched Rebels, and I pulled the name Bridger out of thin air, so this character has nothing to do with Ezra Bridger.
> 
> Anyway, without further delay...

Andie sat on a fuel canister in the hanger bay among a group of Starfleet pilots gathered to watch the Five Sabers final. She did not know a lot about flying, in fact, it scared her. She just knew that she kind of had a  _ thing _ for flyboys. So, important final race or not, she would rather be nowhere else on Hosnian Prime tonight, although maybe somewhere else in the galaxy. 

 

If she were being truthful with herself this was just an act of distraction from her real problem. She was heartbroken, but hiding it well.

 

She had been living (and sleeping) on Hosnian Prime for close to three months now, but her heart was somewhere else. She’d been trying to drown her feelings by working her way through the New Republic Starfleet. She knew it wasn’t right, not for a Jedi, but she just needed to feel  _ something _ , rather than allowing herself to fall into the empty void laying on her periphery.

 

Andromeda had told Luke she thought it would be best for her to start spending all of her time on Hosnian Prime, staying in contact while working almost exclusively with the Senate. He didn’t argue at all, and if he suspected any ulterior motive he hadn’t said anything. Of course he had known, he had also been there that night. He had witnessed the incident firsthand.

 

She and Ben had not spoken since that night. Any time they had crossed paths before her departure Ben had given her his signature puppy-dog-eyes, at which she simply turned her nose up. Even if she had wanted to speak her voice didn’t return for almost two-weeks after being Force choked, not that she had had anything to say to him anyway. Andie loved him, but she wouldn’t stand for that. She loved the Ben who was sweet, soft, and quiet, not the one who was impulsive, brash, and filled with rage. She had thought he loved her too, but now even that was in doubt.

 

Back in the present, Andie’s attention was quickly drawn back to the holo she and the pilots were watching the race on as Han Solo appeared. She was shocked at the stark resemblance the older man shared with his son. That is not to say that Ben didn’t look like Senator Organa, but it was very evident to her who their only son had taken after. 

 

The words being said on the holo passed through her like air as her mind drifted once again back to Ben. She wondered if he and Luke had made amends. She really hoped that they had. Ben needed guidance, a teacher, a mentor, now more than ever. Andromeda blamed herself too. Luke may have failed him in some way, but so had she. She had taken him under her wing in the early days of his training, befriending him and helping him, but it should have never been more than that. She had foolishly let her feelings get in the way of helping Ben to grow. She’d watched him grow up from snobbish teenage boy to reserved man, but he still had so much potential. He had far surpassed her abilities long ago, he was destined for greatness. It had been selfish, but she didn’t exactly regret it. She simply regretted being one of the reasons he was thrown so off-balance. After all, Andie had only ever wanted what’s best for Ben, it didn’t matter if she were in the picture or not.

 

That was another reason she had left for Hosnian Prime. In her absence, she had hoped Ben could sort himself out, that the darkness inside him could finally be cast out. She held out hope it wasn’t too late for him.

  
  


After the race ended Andromeda hung around the hanger bay whilst some blonde Starfleet pilot flirted with her. She played along nicely. Eventually she let him walk her back to her apartment which was provided by the Senate during her prolonged stay on-planet.

 

—

 

The next morning Andie hurried out of her apartment in a flustered dash after an  _ interesting _ night with her pilot friend. On her way to the senatorial complex for a meeting she was running extremely late for, she was shocked to run into a familiar face. Bridger was another Jedi, just a year younger than herself. She would consider him a friend. She had helped to mentor him some, and had been far more successful with him than  _ someone else.  _

 

She smiled brightly at him, waving at him to catch his attention. “Bridger!” Andie called. 

 

Upon seeing her, he smiled but looked more relieved than anything as he made his way across the path to her. His expression was solemn as he reached her. A wave of anxiety hit her as she took in his expression. 

 

“What’re you doing here, Bridge?” She asked, trying to seem as cheery as possible even as a feeling of dread overtook her, “You’ve finally graduated to the big leagues?” She nudged his shoulder playfully. 

 

“Andie…” he started, toying nervously with the end of his sleeve, “can we talk?”

 

Her eyebrows knit together in a mixture of confusion and worry.

 

“Well, I’ve actually got this meeting I’m supposed to be attending, but if you can walk and talk, sure,” she replied cautiously. She feared the worst. His sad, anxious state felt wrong. Everything about this encounter felt wrong.

 

They walked a few yards before Bridger said a word. The mounting silence made Andromeda even more uncomfortable.

 

“It’s about Ben…” Bridger started, keeping his voice low and his eyes on anything but her.

 

“What  _ about _ Ben?” She implored as nonchalantly as she could manage. She felt a flare of anger at hearing his name mentioned out loud, but it was quickly replaced by concern.

 

They turned a corner and she could see the room she was supposed to be having a meeting in at the end of the short hallway. Bridger was barely keeping up with her, obviously trying to drag out whatever it was he had to say to her about Ben.

 

“It’s just that…” he paused for a long moment, “Andie, you should really leave Hosnian Prime. For good. Today.”

 

She rounded on him, her eyes searching his for answers. She wasn’t very intimidating at five-foot-one, but she hoped she was coming across as such.

 

“Why ever would I do that?” She asked, maintaining eye-contact.

 

“You really haven’t heard then?” Bridger sighed, looking more distraught.

 

“Heard what?” She practically shouted, she was growing tired of playing this game. 

 

The boy flinched at her sudden outburst. Andie collected herself, and asked more politely, “Has something happened that I should be aware of?”

 

“Andie,” he looked around nervously, “we should get out of here.”

 

“I can’t. I have a meeting. Just tell me what’s going on,” she shifted haughtily on her feet. She could sense the anxiety radiating off of him, but she was running so late.

 

“They’re dead, Andromeda. Everyone else is dead. Ben killed them. He’ll likely come for us too.”

 

The world came crashing down around her. She barely felt her knees hit the tile floor as tears began to pour out of her eyes. In the next instant she was being hauled to her feet. 

 

Her breathing became ragged as the severity of Bridger’s words hit her again. It couldn’t be. Not Ben. Not  _ her _ Ben. “You’re lying,” she rasped out quietly between sobs.

 

The taller Jedi pulled her into his side and practically drug her back down the corridor the way they had come. “If I were lying, I wouldn’t be here. I’m here because I’m the only one left to warn you. I wasn’t on-planet when it happened. But if he killed everyone else, I can’t even imagine what he’ll do to you.”

 

_ Let him come. I’ve already died, _ she thought. The only home she’d ever known from the time she was just barely double-digits had been destroyed. Her friends who had become more like the family she had never known had been killed. All by a person she had thought loved her, and whom she had loved dearly.

 

“Is there anywhere safe we can go? Where he wouldn’t find you?” Bridger asked, pulling her out of her spiraling thoughts.

 

_ Senator Organa _ , Andie thought reflexively. She had to warn Leia. To tell her. She should hear it from someone she knew. Perhaps she would even have some way to contact her son. Andie had to reconcile with him, she had to speak to him. Maybe she could get through to him. There was no stopping what had already been done, but she knew that there was still light on him. He could be saved from himself. She had to try. Ben was too powerful, she had to do what she could to protect the galaxy against him, even if that meant killing him. No. That thought made her heart sink, how could she? 

 

Andromeda knew with resolve that she had to speak to Leia Organa. 

 

Grabbing Bridger’s hand she drug him off in the direction of the Senator’s office. “I might know a place,” came her simply reply. 

 

—

 

The door to Senator Organa’s office opened and the two Jedi were met with the smiling face of Leia’s assistant, Greer. 

 

“Andie,” she greeted, “I don’t have you on the schedule today. What can I do for you?”

 

Andromeda took note of the girl’s less than pristine flightsuit. She was sure her eyes were still puffy, her cheeks tear-stained. The concerned expression on Greer’s face said it all as she warily eyed Bridger, his arm around Andie lending her weak knees support.

 

“Is the Senator in? It’s of dire importance I speak to her,” Andie said urgently, peering around Greer deeper into the office space.

 

“Well…” Greer paused, taking in the state Andie appeared to be in, “Yes. Follow me.” 

 

She led to two into the office waiting area, stopping momentarily to knock on Leia’s actual office door. She eyed Andromeda warily this time, “is everything alright?” She asked quietly. 

 

“Not at all, Greer,” Andie replied, not making any eye contact for fear of breaking down again. Greer’s face fell from her usually friendly demeanor. She and Andie had become close friends over the years. They frequently saw each other around Hosnian Prime, and shared drinks after-hours. She had been particularly nice to after her breakup with Ben. She did not ask any questions, she didn’t know about Ben, she just knew Andie was hurting.

 

Leia sat behind her desk looking none-the-wiser as they entered her office

  
  


—

 

After explaining tearfully all that had happened to Leia, they started discussing where it would be safe for Andromeda and Bridger to hide from Ben’s vengeful wrath. Leia has taken the news of her son’s fall into the darkness rather well. Andie attributed it to years and years spent fighting the Empire. She admired Leia’s strength in such an emotional time, and she really wished she could harness just a bit of it.

 

When plans were ironed out to get Bridger off Hosnian Prime and into hiding, Andie asked to speak to Senator Organa privately. Once both Greer and the boy had exited the office, Andie felt suddenly less confident in her mission.

 

“Senator… I’m so sorry about all this,” she apologized, fiddling with the hem of her shirt, avoiding Leia’s gaze entirely.

 

“You don’t have to apologize. I’ve lost a great deal of people over the years, but I never imagined I would lose my brother at my son’s hand.” Her voice never wavered as she spoke, though Andie thought she could hear the slightest underlying tone of disbelief.

 

“No, it’s not that. It’s just… I feel somewhat responsible. Ben and I were so close. Well, actually, more than close,” Andromeda admitted, “But I think I may have tipped him over the edge when I left for Hosnian Prime. He hurt me, but I never imagined he would be capable of something like this. This  _ monster  _ is not the Ben I know.”

 

“I should never have withheld the true identity of his grandfather. He was more than old enough, we should have had that talk long ago, and perhaps we would not be having this conversation today.” Leia looked on her with kind eyes, the eyes of a mother who was grieving, “I guess we both screwed up where Ben was concerned, didn’t we?”

 

Andie simply nodded solemnly before continuing, “Senator… is there any place he would go? Or any way you can think of to contact him?”

 

“But you just asked for diplomatic immunity on all planets under the control of the Senate for you and your Jedi friend. I don’t-“

 

“Senator, please. I’m not afraid of him. I love him. I think he’ll listen to me. I want to stop this before anyone else gets hurt,” she pleaded. She failed to mention the part where she would put a stop to it, one way or another. 

 

“If he wouldn’t listen to Luke, what makes you believe he will listen to you?” The older woman asked logically.

 

“I know Ben. This is  _ not _ him. He will reason with me, I just know it. I have to try.” Tears started to spill down her cheeks again. She had to see him, if only one last time.

 

“Well, I don’t know of any way to get in contact with him now. But Andromeda, if you are really going to track him down, and he’s done the things you’ve said he’s done, and he’s as powerful as you say he is, please be careful. You are too great an asset to lose when conflict is stirring so violently in all corners of the galaxy.”

 

Andromeda and Leia both rose from their chairs. Andie bowed her head, tears leaking from her face and leaving a little pool of water on the Senator’s desk, “Thank you, Senator.”

 

“May the Force be with you.”

 

—

 

Rey was shocked to discover others had survived the attack on Luke’s Temple. Though she felt knew the fate of one of the two. She had an awful feeling they both had been hunted into extinction, quite in the same way the Jedi had been hunted by the Empire after the fall of the Old Republic. 

 

She did not wish to see anymore of this. She especially did not wish to see the horrific final act. Through the Force she had felt this terrible sense of foreboding and regret that could only mean one thing. 

 

It was obvious Ben was seeing Andromeda’s version of these events only for the first time. The Force worked in mysterious ways, but this felt like torture. Both the dark and light had been pulling Ben in different directions for years, but this felt like a cheap shot to win him back over to the light. Even Rey felt it was too much to see what was about to happen.

 

Although, as another scene was brought before her eyes, she watched attentively.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Please leave comments or kudos! I love the feedback I'm getting for this story! 
> 
> Xx


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it guys! Enjoy!

Rey watched as a tall hooded black figure skulked through a base with its polished black floors. Ben looked just as intimidating as they first time she had seen him. Cowl and mask concealing his face, long robes hiding the shape of his body in their black folds, making him look bigger and more menacing than in actuality. Beneath all the artifice was a young man shrouded in conflict.

 

—

 

Ben walked out of his new master’s throne room with an overarching feeling of unease. Snoke had sought him out in the months following the destruction of his Uncle’s Temple. He had promised to teach Ben all that he knew of the dark side if Ben joined him in seizing control of a growing underground organization. Ben was promised more power, and that was fine, but it wasn’t really what he wanted. Really all he had wanted was to  _ belong _ somewhere, to  _ belong _ to something. He wanted someone to tell him the truth, to teach him the ways of the Force without withholding valuable information. Snoke had promised him all of that. Besides that, he would not be a social outcast anywhere else in the galaxy now. His life had been torn apart in the hatred and confusion of a minute. Even Andromeda would not accept him for what he had become and he didn’t blame her in the slightest. He wasn’t sure  _ he _ enjoyed the person he was becoming. 

 

The storm still swelled inside of him, the light and the dark battling one another for total control, but he was simply left with the numbing emptiness of being stuck in the the middle this internal war. 

 

As he walked back to his quarters on the First Order base the sound of his boots against the floor echoed loudly in his ears. Surprisingly, he felt a feeling he hadn’t in the longest time. The feeling of light overtaking his senses, blinding them out. It was familiar and comforting, though gnawing at the edges of his psyche were feelings of anxiety and anger. 

 

He also felt a presence he hadn’t felt in almost a year after the blinding light began to fade from his senses, but before he had time to react a blaster was being pointed into the small of his back. “Hi,  _ Benny,”  _ a familiar voice sneered, “Keep walking. Somewhere private. This  _ isn’t  _ set to stun.”

 

He could easily overtake his attacker, but he obliged. He just wanted to see her face  _ one more time.  _

 

—

 

Once they reached his quarters, he was released.

 

“Hello, Andromeda,” his voice echoed from the mask. He took in the state of her, turning to face her. Her hand shook as she trained her blaster on him, her other hand gripped tightly to the hilt of her lightsaber at her waist. Perhaps she had never been as brave as he’d once thought.

 

“Take that hood off. I want to see your face,” Ben instructed. She flinched at the sound. After a moment she reached back with a shaky hand to remove the hood, he noticed her grip tighten on the blaster pointed at him. Once the hood was down he could see she was thinner than the last time he’d seen her, more unkempt. Her face was more pale, making her dark freckles stand out. Her green eyes were emotionless, even as tears threatened to pour out. She too wore a mask, one of confident indifference, but Ben could see right through it. He sensed her fear, her anxiety, and her anger. 

 

“Happy?” She barked though her voice wavered, shifting uncomfortably on her feet as she felt his gaze rake over her, studying her, sizing her up like a predator. 

 

As he approached her, she backed up until there was no space between her and the wall. He took off a single glove, reaching out to her. She gasped as his cold fingers touched her warm, soft cheek, the tears that had been threatening to spill now running freely from her eyes. 

 

“Are you afraid?” He asked, softly wiping the tears from her cheek with his thumb. 

 

The blaster she had been holding clattered onto the floor at their feet. Her eyes were wide with terror, he could practically hear her heart pounding out of her chest. 

 

After a long deafening silence broken only by the girl’s ragged breathing and sobbing. Finally, Andie had collected herself enough to ask softly through her choked sobs, “Why did you do it, Ben?”

 

Anger flared up within him. He took a step back and Andromeda reflexively went for her lightsaber, but hesitated to draw it. She knew she didn’t have the strength to do it. Her mission had failed the moment she saw him again. 

 

Ben turned away from her, “You weren’t there that night! You don’t know what actually happened!” He shouted.

 

Surprising even herself, Andie did not recoil in fear, instead she went to him, placing a small hand on his arm. “Ben?”

 

He turned to face her once more and she took a tremulous step towards him. She struggled to even her breathing out as they were almost chest to chest. She kept internally telling herself that it was  _ only Ben.  _ That he wouldn’t hurt  _ her.  _

 

Andromeda stared up into his eyes through the slit in the mask. She knew those eyes, possibly better than anyone else. 

 

Reaching up with an unsteady hand, she pulled off the cowl. When he didn’t stop her after she gave him an inquisitive look, nervously biting her chapped lower lip, she reached up to remove the mask. Andie tossed it aside as they stared into each others eyes.

 

“Andie,” Ben breathed as one hand reflexively held fast to her waist, “I’ve missed you.”

 

His eyes were filled with his own tears threatening to spill over. 

 

“I’ve missed you too, Ben,” she said, moving impossibly closer as she rested her head on his chest. The familiar sound of his heartbeat made her feel more at home than ever before. 

 

“Andromeda, I want you to join me,” he said suddenly.

 

“What?” She asked, taken aback. Andie took a single step backwards to look up at him. 

 

“Join me. Join The First Order. The Jedi are over. Together, we can rule the galaxy.”

 

The eagerness with which he said those words frightened her, possibly more than anything.

 

“Ben. No. This isn’t you. This… this…” she paused looking for the right word, “this  _ monster _ you’ve become.”

 

She saw the anger flash in his eyes again, but his voice remained steady as he spoke, “I knew you were going to say that, but Andie, please don’t make me do this.”

 

“Ben, you don’t have to do anything! We can leave this place! We can be together, without the Jedi, without this. Just you and I.”

 

He refused to look at her as he said, “I know what I have to do, but I don’t know that I have the strength to do it.”

 

“Ben, you don’t have to do anything, “Andie pleaded, tears falling like a waterfall down her face, “I’ll help you. I’d do anything for you.”

 

She studied his features, once again attempting to understand. 

 

“Anything but join me, right?” He scoffed.

 

“Ben, plea-“

 

Andromeda was cut off by the sound of a lightsaber igniting. It gave off an eerie crackle even as it sliced through her flesh. She wasn’t sure if the red clouding her vision was the saber’s ominous glow or her own blood, but she could feel the life draining out of her.

 

As Ben extinguished the saber, she could no longer support her own body weight as pain flooded her every sense. Her eyes were wide with shock. She swayed on her feet, but before she could tumble backwards Ben caught her, gently guiding her towards the ground and into his arms. She was shocked that the look on his face was not the sweet satisfaction of a cold-blooded killer, but a look of regret. 

 

Tears poured from his eyes as he looked down at her, her blood staining his hands as her life slipped away. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he managed to get out, pushing a stray lock of her red hair from her face with a shaky bloodstained hand, to peer deeply into her eyes that were beginning to gloss over with a certain finality. 

 

Andromeda reached up with a weak hand to caress his cheek. “You were never  _ nothing _ to  _ me _ . I loved you, Ben.”

 

Her hand fell from his face as she slipped into nothingness, leaving a handprint of blood across his cheek, and a hole in his heart too big to fill. 

 

Ben gently closed her eyes so she appeared more at peace than he had known her in her final moments. His own tears fell upon her cheeks as he held her close. 

 

“I know,” he sobbed out. A reply that came far too late and fell on deaf ears.

  
  
  


A sea of emotions raged within Rey; regret, sorrow, pain, melancholy, but most of all heartache. Heartache so raw and powerful she could feel her own tears pouring hot and wet down her face as she watched. Not being able to bear seeing any more, she brought her hands up over her face, she couldn’t be witness to this utter agony for another second. 

 

Suddenly, Rey felt the hot, humid air encompassing her once again. She felt the hard dirt beneath her. Slowly taking her hands from her face, her continued sobs began to subside as she opened her eyes though her heart still ached with pain that was not hers. Confirming she was back in her own life in her shoddy little tent, she looked into the face of her counterpart. Ben’s eyes were filled with tears that would not fall, his expression helpless as he aimlessly swirled the glass of amber liquid, staring unblinkingly not at her but through her.

 

“I’m sorry…” she said finally, his attention snapping back to her at the sound of her voice which was thick from crying. 

 

“For what?” He asked sarcastically, “seeing just a small portion of misdeeds I’ve done? Only a fraction of the personal hell I live in daily?”

 

She felt guilt at invading Ben’s private thoughts, though she could not stop the Force from showing them to her. 

 

A silence fell between them. Rey didn’t want to set him off by asking any questions about the girl in the flashbacks. 

 

“I’ll miss her until the day I die,” Ben stated suddenly, “though I think I miss her less and less as everyday goes by. It never would have worked out between us. Andromeda wanted what was best for everyone. I selfishly wanted only what was best for myself…” he trailed off, downing the glass of alcohol.

  
  


“She’s not mine anymore. She disapproves of the man I’ve become. In my youth even in my darkest moments I had her, now I have nothing. ‘A child in a mask’,” he echoed in a bitter tone. It was a moment before he continued, “She visits sometimes, as one of the most painful reminders of the things I’ve given up and lost to get here,” he gestured to whatever lay just outside Rey’s vision, his voice seething with contempt. “But now,” his voice softer and more hollow sounding, more like that of the young Ben Solo from the flashbacks, “I have you?” It came out as more of a question than a statement. 

 

“You’re not alone,” she repeated the words he had said to her in her hut on Ahch-To as she got to hear feet to approach him. His eyes looked so empty as she got closer, devoid of all emotion. They flickered to her face as she moved towards him.

 

After a few paces she stood before him. Neither of them moved for a moment, just sizing each other up. Ben slowly pulled off a singular glove before extending his hand out to the scavenger, their eyes locked on each other. Rey’s skin was warm and soft under his touch, her grip strong yet delicate. He could suddenly see her humble surroundings, he could feel the sickening humidity of whichever planet she were on. 

 

“The throne, it doesn’t suit you,” she commented, peering around to make certain they were alone.

 

A smile played on his lips, but it didn’t touch his eyes “Come on, Scavenger. I am a prince.”

 

“Well, forgive me,  _ your highness,”  _ she laughed, a light slightly awkward sound that Ben could listen to for the rest of his life. 

 

“I think I love you,” He blurted out all of a sudden. 

 

Rey froze, her eyes widening in either shock or horror, Ben couldn’t be sure.

 

“I mean… I-“ he tried to backtrack before he was cut off.

 

“You love me?” She questioned in disbelief, “but you- I just- what?”

 

He was silent, just as shocked as she was.

 

“What about Andromeda?” Rey asked after a few torturously long moments, avoiding his eyes but never letting go of his hand.

 

“I don’t think she’ll mind. You remind me a lot of her,” a nostalgic smile softened his features,”But Rey… I screwed up and lost her. I don’t want to lose you too, not again.”

 

The girl squeezed his hand tightly, before getting right in his face, uncomfortably close. Her breath was hot against his features, her eyes piercing his own. From this distance he swore he could hear her heartbeat in her chest.

 

“Nothing will ever come between us. Nothing.” Rey said with resolve before leaning in dangerously close. His eyes flickered momentarily to her lips before meeting her eyes again. She tilted her head ever so slightly before their lips met. The kiss was soft and reassuring, Ben never wanted it to end. It felt familiar. It would become the only constant in his ever-changing life, as it had seemingly always been. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading this story! It means so much to me that people actually read the things I write. This is possibly one of my best works, so I'm really happy I got to share it with you all and I really hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> Comments or kudos are much appreciated! 
> 
> Thanks again!  
> Xx

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave me a comment or a kudos! Xx


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